Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Reform - wha?

Don't get me wrong.  Sukkot is here and I'm as giddy as a yiddy, however, something is up my gartel in the worst way... REFORM!

I just heard that a "temple" rabbi told a friend of mine that a kosher kitchen was the last thing on his agenda.  Now, he wasn't talking about his kitchen at home, 'cause that's his own beeswax, but the synagogue one!

Sure, Reform Jews are lax on some things - like homosexual rabbi's when the Torah specifically says no buggering - but I digress.  Wouldn't a place of Jewish worship want to accommodate Jews?  A synagogue without a kosher kitchen?  Is this goy guy stoned?

They can bring in a truckload of Streitz and have nowhere to heat it up!  Oy fricken vey...

I know, some people like me obey kashrut to a certain degree.  I buy everything I can with a kosher seal on it, and everything else is veggies and fish.  No halachic slaughter houses 'round here.  Hey, rav, when you drive through Micky D's, you avoid meat and cheese even though it's not kosher, right?  No pork for you.  No shellfish.  So why be a slacker?  You run a fricken synagogue, do it right for G-d's sake!  Not a metaphor, my friends, not at all.

Chag sameach, invite those Holy Ushpizin, but don't feed 'em from a Reform kitchen.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Anthony Bourdain, Israel Hater... Damn it!

Who can travel the world over and over again and only eat Asian?  Anthony Bourdain of course!  That's really cool about this Travel Channel host, and I LOVE that about him!  I think he is witty, and though more than slightly self absorbed, even a bit charming.  Though, as I watched his Travel Channel show "No Reservations" (if Rolling Stone had a travel-food show), It became increasingly clear there was something missing.  Then, I became increasingly aware of the demographic mix of some of his favorite locations, and the places he avoided. 

For example, I watched as he did a walkabout in the smorgasbord that is the Five Burroughs, waiting for the blintzes... nope, it would seem that there are no more Jews in New York. 

This gave me an inkling I was a tad uncomfortable with - did he just think Jewish cooking was bland, greasy, and just plain yucky?  Or was it something more sinister... Well, he is a foodie. Who knows, possibly just not his cup of green tea.  I mean, he can't hate Jews... he has Jewish friends.  I bet some of his best friends are... oh Lord.  Wait for the click.  Shit.

With my suspicions no longer in check, I watched as No Reservations visited just about every Arab and Muslim country around the world, without ever setting foot in Israel.  Hmm.  What's wrong with Mediterranean and Israeli cuisine?  He's no stranger to chickpeas, right? 

Oh, and the sad day came... Bourdain in Beirut. 

Beirut, the Paris of the Middle East... until extremists took over.  A beautiful city that the world would blame Israel for destroying - forget that they were overrun with Hezbollah who practice pot shots from within innocents.  A once flourishing Christian majority country now awash with angry Muslims - now the majority.  Bourdain was there just in time to document the heinous war crimes of Israel's self defense.

It is true, my one time favorite show features a kafiah wearing, pork eating, vegan hating, anti-Israel asshole.  Crap!

Though the court of TV opinion isn't exactly out on this rarely discussed topic, I'm hoping to help it out a bit.  Why?  Because I believe he would LOVE the Tel Aviv nightlife, the fine dining, the cultural mix, the up country... well maybe not the north, no bombs on Bourdain, please.  But you get my point. 

Please, prove me wrong Tony!  Help me watch No Reservations with a clear conscience!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Shanah Tovah u Metukah!

To all my readers, warmest wishes for a wonderful new year - this, as my teacher tells me, is the year of wealth and prosperity.  So may you, whether you're with me or not, enjoy a beautiful 12 months of joy and riches.

A Sweet New Year, Chaverim Shelim!

~ Simcha the angry Jew

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Islamophobia - the new anti-Semitism?

With this nut-job crusader, Terry Jones and all of his "Islam is of the Devil" haters, down in Florida ready to burn a pile of Muslim holy books on the anniversary of 9/11, it makes you wonder.

Is the rising tide of anti-Islam sentiment taking over the Jews top spot in the world of religiously motivated hate crime?

One only need look around. There have got to be five or ten instances of vandalism against Muslim centers and construction sites since the recent controversy over the "Ground Zero Mosque." And now this! Fifty or so crazies having a weirdo BBQ on "Burn a Koran Day!" Is Islamophobia the new anti-Semitism?

Just the facts, ma'am.

According to the most recent FBI numbers, hate crimes against Jews still top the list, at a staggering (but quite normal) 65.7%. Look at the numbers regarding anti-Islamic motivated hate crimes.

Religious bias

There were 1,606 hate crime offenses motivated by religious bias in 2008. A breakdown of these offenses shows:

65.7 percent were anti-Jewish.
13.2 percent were anti-other religion.
7.7 percent were anti-Islamic.
4.7 percent were anti-Catholic.
4.2 percent were anti-multiple religions, group.
3.7 percent were anti-Protestant.
0.9 percent were anti-Atheism/Agnosticism/etc.

Mr. Jones and his lunatic fringe have the White House giving them all of the press they need to spark even MORE Jihad around the world. All the while, of course, Israel has an Islamic madman of their own ready to "wipe Israel off the map." Back door, Bibi?

No worries, Ahmed, you won't see any pogroms coming your way. We Jews, we still pay the price for whatever the fuck we did so long ago. I can't help but wish, even just a teensy bit, that the tide would really honestly turn toward you... because while you may not be the barbarian your brothers are - you do nothing to stop them.

I'm Jewish, I'm Angry

Welcome to my blog, chaverim - and I mean it.  I value friends.  Whether you agree with my sentiments or not, I plan on blogging by the rules.

Nothing I say here is the gospel (I could've found a better word, yeah) but I'll do my damnedest to cite my sources and keep everything above board.  I won't quote any source that is questionable, unless of course they are the assbutt of my joke.  We square?  Good.

Today is two days away from Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  Of course, if you're a gentile you wouldn't know it - unless you watch Fox News.  Ramadan, on the other hand, we ALL know about Ramadan.  Hell, it's all over the bloody mainstream media!  President Obama gave his historic "Build your Mosque HERE!" speech at a White House sponsored Ramadan dinner.  According to CNN, here's what our American idol said:

"Let me be clear," Obama said at a White House dinner celebrating the Islamic holy month of Ramadan, "as a citizen, and as president, I believe that Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as anyone else in this country.
That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances."
Of course the next day he questioned "the wisdom" behind building the mosque there - then changed his mind again - but I digress...

I believe the subject of this blog was how no one knows (or cares) that the Jews have a New Year.  In keeping with that, I'd like to point out that TIME Magazine doesn't even care about JEWS let alone their silly simchas.  Their latest cover story, including illustration of Magen David made of daises, says "Why Israel Doesn't Care About Peace."

I do believe it's more than a tad tre chi chi these days to loath Israel and those pesky Jews, especially if you're in with a certain clique of illuminated types.  Funny though, "writer" Karl Vick depicts Israeli people that way, emphasis added:
"...the truth is, Israelis are no longer preoccupied with the matter (of peace). They're otherwise engaged; they're making money; they're enjoying the rays of late summer. A watching world may still define their country by the blood feud with the Arabs whose families used to live on this land and whether that conflict can be negotiated away, but Israelis say they have moved on"
So it's really people of Israel who are oblivious, not Hollywood or DC.  Hmmm.  Seems to me that Helen Thomas went to the same school of journalism a Karl.  On the left, all you have to do is call the opposition "racist" and you've won - unless you're the racist, then you retire into a cozy tommorow... let's wish Karl a sweet new year in retirement.  Putz.